Relax. No one cares, and that's a good thing.

I've been obsessed with stumbleupon, the website which takes you to random pages around the 'net that match a list of interests and subjects you compile. I listed about 65 topics, so I'm not overwhelmed by the repetitiveness of it all. One of those interests in psychology.

Today a gem of an articled called, "It's Not All About You" stumbled its way into my browser. The title might make it seem like it's an article for narcissists, or people who are obsessed with being the center of attention. It's not. It's for those of us who can absolutely loathe being the center of attention. Those of us who obsess about that one "social error" at that party a year ago. Those of us who worry about what other people think of us. In other words, most of us.

"A growing body of research shows that far fewer people notice our gaffes than we believe as we pace the floor in private, going over and over the faux pas. And those who do notice judge us less harshly than we imagine. In a series of groundbreaking studies over the last two years, psychologists have shown that the "spotlight effect," as they call it, is a universal experience that distorts our egocentric notion about the degree to which people in groups, like parties and work gatherings, pay attention to us ... our self-absorption not only creates a false spotlight, it also results in an exaggeration about how we are judged."

1. Fewer people notice our gaffes than we think.

2. People don't judge us nearly as harshly as we imagine.

3. We are all self-absorbed.

The flip side of the coin is also true. People don't notice our clever arguments and witticisms as much as we think they do either. Damn.

We are good at moderating our judgments about each other. When a friend has an embarrassing moment at a party we feel empathy and sympathy. If we're at the same event, we'll work hard to smooth things over, if necessary.

If we're the one who makes the mistake -- and that's all it is, a mistake -- let the rambling self-criticism begin.

How do we turn this into a win? Simple. You've already done it.

"In a report due out this year, psychologists find for the first time that simple awareness of this native oversensitivity can improve how people do when they actually are in the spotlight."

Party season is coming up. Go forth, be merry and dance like there's nobody watching.

There isn't.

(Of course, the above only applies in real life. If you happen to be a celebrity, or dumb enough to go on a reality show, beware. All empathy and sympathy is gone. You are signing up to be made fun of for a living by the least generous of us. TV watchers.)