The Good Old Days of Spankings and Beatings

Last night Evan and I were dealing with our 10-year-old son, who lately reminds me of this:

And we were pining for the "good ol' days," the days when it was OK to hit your kids. We're never too serious about this. We don't hit our kids, but there have been so many times when we've exhausted all our other parenting skills that the idea of a good spanking just dangling there out of reach...oh, that could solve everything!

We live in a parenting bubble where our friends are all of like-mind on this issue. We're all non-spankers, unless someone is keeping secrets. I wonder how often they are tempted by the old time religion:

I've read all of the arguments, anti-spanking and pro-spanking:

ANTI
Physical punishment establishes the moral righteousness of hitting other persons who do something which is regarded as wrong.

PRO
Physical abuse by an angry, uncontrolled parent will leave lasting emotional wounds and cultivate bitterness and resentment within a child. The balanced, prudent use of disciplinary spanking, however, is an effective deterrent to aggressive behavior with some children.

ANTI
Since parents often refrain from hitting until the anger or frustration reaches a certain point, the child learns that anger and frustration justify the use of physical force.

PRO
When effective spanking is removed from a parent's disciplinary repertoire, he or she is left with nagging, begging, belittling, and yelling, once the primary disciplinary measures--such as time-out and logical consequences--have failed. By contrast, if proper spanking is proactively used in conjunction with other disciplinary measures, better control of the particularly defiant child can be achieved, and moments of exasperation are less likely to occur.

ANTI
Physical punishment is harmful to a child.

PRO
Obviously, excessive or indiscriminate physical punishment is harmful and abusive. However, an appropriately-administered spanking of a forewarned disobedient child is not harmful when administered in a loving controlled manner.

PRO

Heck, even Bill Cosby talked about parenting exasperation that leads to beatings: watch it here: "The Same Thing Happens Every Night"

ANTI
But this is perhaps the best ANTI-spanking argument I've heard, and it's from Louis C.K., my new favorite comedian. He's my age, he has kids that frustrate the hell out of him, and he gets it. Here's his take on hitting your children:

“I really think it’s crazy that we hit our kids. Here’s the crazy part about it; kids are the only people in the world that you’re allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They’re the most vulnerable and the most destroyed by being hit but it’s totally OK to hit them. And they’re the only ones! if you hit a dog they will put you in jail for that shit. You can’t hit a person unless you can prove that they were trying to kill you. But a little tiny person with a head this big who trusts you implicitly:

‘FUCK ‘EM, WHO GIVES A SHIT! LET’S ALL HIT THEM!’

People want you to hit your kid. If your kid is making noise:

‘HIT HIM!!!! HIT ‘EM!!!! GRRRRRR’

That’s what people say -

“You damn right I hit my kids!”.

Why do you hit them?

“-cause they were doing a thing I didn’t like at the moment and so I hit them and guess what? They didn’t do it after that”.

Well that wouldn’t be taking the fucking easy way out would it? How about talking to them for a second? What are you an idiot? What are you a fucking ape?

“Well I know it’s a pain in the ass-“

Well you fucked a woman and a baby came out of her vagina, so you be patient!"

How would you feel if suddenly there were giants walking around about 3 times your size who could smack you around anytime they didn’t like the words that came out of your mouth or the things you did?

So no, we will not begin spanking or hitting our kids. The old adage that parents tell their kids, "This hurts me more than it hurts you," just isn't true. And though sometimes they seem to be in the business of hurting us -- I hate you! Leave me alone! Get out of my room! -- we are not in the business of intentionally hurting them.

But you'll have to forgive me if the fantasy of the magic moment when a spanking cures everything continues to live in my head.